So I have written a lot about badminton on this blog, not really much about body or mind though. So this entry is a little different it has to do with my mind and thoughts on a few topics.
Something weird has happened in my dreams. In one way or another I always see you in them. Its wonderful to see your face and be so close to you again but at the same time I know none of it is real. The conversations have already happened the jokes already told. The special moments nothing but shadows of the past spent. But it's the reality of this figment of my imagination that scares me the most. Why is my mind doing this to me me now? There was acceptance of what happened and the move on yet now you pop up again.
The memories are nice, seeing old friends again and catching up. Always a fun and great time to reminisce in all the good and bad times. All the stories, jokes and everything else as well. Time has passed, taken its course with us all. Driven us all down different roads. Some which cross again, some go far into the distance alone, some end up at a fork in the road while some are greeted with a dead end. Looking into the past and where I have come from what I have accomplished I know that I owe a lot of it to my hard work and determination but I also owe a lot of it to influential people in my life. From parents and coaches, training partners and opponents. From friends and acquaintances to the significant others who were always there. Your reassurance and belief, your positive attitude helped push me forward. Looking at it I have another 5 years till the next olympics and its going to be a long road. Although I may be on this road alone it is not dark and uncertain. I have the support of friends, family and countless others lighting the way. I want to thank everybody who ever believed in me, everybody who was ever there for me. All those that did, thank you.
I know I would like to have more of a social life but with such a busy schedule it’s hard. I thank all those close to me that understand. You have put up with me not being able to come to your birthday parties or special dinners, to go hang out at this or that place or make it out for wing night. When I do show up to things its usually straight from training or coaching and you are understanding. This does take a tole on my relationships though which at this point in my life im looking to settle down and get married in the next few years. I have expirences so much in the past few years in many different countries to boot it. But one thing is that I feel that desire for commitment and something stable. I will still compete and go for my goals but that is part of what is preventing me from other things.
Overall I discovered badminton late. When I started most people have already trained for 6 or 7 years and have been junior provincial champions or close to. They have put in countless hours of meaningful training and gained valuable expirence. Im about 5 years behind them but I want to take this as far as I can and see how high I can go with it. I have to understand that improvement can be a rapid but also slow and tedious process at the same time. Trying to change and learn new techniques can be stressful and time consuming, 2 steps forward and 1 step back seems to be the story of my life.
Miami international is coming up next week (November 9-12) but I have pulled my inner thigh muscle which is not a good thing at all. My body hates me day after day and my mind tries constantly to do everything I want it to. To make my body move in a certain way, swing my arm a certain way, strategize different plays and just function on everything else that I need it to do. I will take a vacation soon early next year I hope. An actual vacation no badminton at all, we shall see when/if that’s happens. but 1st my goal for the end of the year is to finish in the top 400 in the world, I’m currently 618 after losing over 1000points earlier this year in April. I need to perform well in Miami and in Moncton at the Canadian International (provided I am attending it still).